This speech won second place at the Area Conference Humorous Speech Competition. October,2000
Time: 5 to 7 minutes

Every Cat in the Twilight’s Gray

I didn’t know what I was letting myself in for – when I took that cat to the vet!

When the stray cat first came to my door, I said to my Uncle Jack. “I’ll feed him so he will trust me, then I’ll take him to the vet and get him fixed.”

Uncle Jack looked at me. “Remind me never to have dinner at your place,” he said.

But the cat continued to eat at my place until at last he would let me pick him up and pat him.

“What is your name?” I asked as I rubbed his ears.

The cat looked up at me and purred “Mo,” he said.

Mo. He’d told me his name was Mo! This was a wonderful, magical talking cat! My other cats Huckle and Butterscotch-Brickle had never attempted to say their names.

Uncle Jack was not impressed. “Every cat in the twilight’s gray,” he grunted. It was one of his favourite sayings. I think it meant that basically we are all really the same. And every cat looks gray in the twilight.

“You’d better see about getting him fixed.” My Uncle said.

Uncle Jack helped me put Mo in the carry cage. It wasn’t easy. He turned into a mad thing, screaming, scratching and biting. – (The cat, that is)

But we had no trouble driving through heavy traffic. Mo wailed, “WooOOooo,WooOOooo.” And all the cars pulled over to let us through.

“What do you call him?” asked the vet.

“Uncle Jack,” I answered. “Oh – you mean the cat? His name’s Mo – never mind what I call him.” I opened the carry-cage.

Mo shot out -with claws spread like fishhooks.

The vet grabbed and missed as Mo dashed under the table. I dived after him. So did the vet. We bumped heads and fell to the floor. Mo raced around the room, then climbed up the curtains and clung there howling. A haze of gray cat hairs hung in the room. The vet managed to pull him down. He was spitting and snarling. (The cat, that is.)

The vet placed him on the examining table, and he promptly wet all over the table. – (The cat, that is.)

And then…somebody opened the door.

Uncle Jack yelled as the cat hurtled between his legs and rushed through the door. Dogs barked in the waiting room as the cat tore past them into the night.

I raced after him. Past the dogs. Across the paddock. Over the fence. Where was he? I’d never find him in the dark. I called him. “Mo, Mo!” Cars roared past. What if he was run over?

And then… a slight sound came from the porch of a house nearby. I rushed up the stairs. There he was, crouched in the corner.

I lunged. “Gotcha!”

“Yeeoooow!” went the cat.

The door swung open…and out rushed this…this enormous woman – in a sheer pink nightie. She looked like a bunch of pink balloons.

“Hey,” she yelled. “What are you doing with that cat?”

I clutched the cat tightly and raced back over the fence, across the paddock. Car horns tooted. The woman was close on my heels, yelling and screaming. She had almost caught me up as I rushed back into the vet’s waiting room. There was Uncle Jack… with Mo in his arms! I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Uncle Jack couldn’t believe his eyes as the woman in her flimsy nightie bounced in through the door.

“That’s my cat!” she shrieked. She snatched the cat from my arms and glared at me. “It doesn’t even look like your ugly cat.”

I was lost for words. I looked desperately at Uncle Jack and found inspiration.

“Well,” I shrugged. “Every cat in the twilight’s gray.”

We drove home in grim silence. I was covered in scratches. So was Uncle Jack.

And the worst of it is, he still hasn’t had his operation. – (The cat, that is.)

I didn’t expect to visit Melbourne this year, but Ben phoned a couple of weeks ago to say he’d arranged for me to visit him and Agnieszka the last week in October.

Tuesday 24th October, 2000: A Rainbow Day

It was raining lightly as Frances (Accompanied by two and a half-year-old Miles) drove me to the airport. Miles was thrilled to see a rainbow in the sky.

“Looks like a rainy day,” I said happily, thinking of my parched garden.

“It’s a rainbow day,” said Miles.

“Happy Meemar?” asked Miles as he trotted beside me through the airport terminal. “Not too fast?”

He was so excited to see the planes. “There’s a big daddy plane,” he said as a plane came in and turned around. “It goes round and round and round….” He spread his arms and spun around to demonstrate. “Where did the baby plane go?” he asked, as a distant plane took off and disappeared out of sight.

It’s only a two hour flight from Brisbane to Melbourne. I sat beside a friendly woman from Los Angeles who has travelled all over the world. She was a very interesting companion.

In Melbourne
After meeting me at Melbourne airport, Ben picked up Agnieszka from work and we had lunch together at a Chinese restuarant. Then I explored some of the shops while Ben and Agnieszka went back to work.

It was raining heavily when it was time to meet Ben after work and I was still trying to find my way out of Myers. After asking directions from a shop assistant I made my way past three men in suits who appeared to be standing in the entrance, looking out at the weather. I found myself in the display window! The “men” were manequins, displaying suits. I also walked into the Men’s toilet in Myers (luckily there was no one there.) When I told Ben about my escapades, he said it was alright, as long as he wasn’t with me when I did these things!

Wednesday 25th

A Quiet Day
They tell me it doesn’t always rain in Melbourne. But it seems to when I’m there. It was a very cold rainy and windy day. Since I’d had flu the week before, I decided to have a quiet day writing postcards in front of the fire with the cats, Olive and Oscar beside me.

The rain cleared in the afternoon, so I went for a walk to explore the neighbourhood. Ben and Agnieszka had moved to a different suburb since I visited them last year. All the gardens were looking lovely. There were so many flowers that I have never seen in Queensland. Even the wild flowers were beautiful. Little yellow and white daisies were sprinkled all over the footpaths. Most of the streets are lined with trees. Melbourne is lovely in Spring.

When Ben and Agnieszka came home from work, we went to a Gilbert and Sullivan concert at the Regent Theatre. It’s a beautiful old theatre.

Thursday, 26th October

City Explorer
Ben and Agnieszka had to work, so I went into the city with them. I wasn’t sure where I wanted to go, so I took a ride on the City Explorer bus. It’s not the cheapest way to go – $30 adults, $25 concession – but it goes to all the main tourist attractions and you can get on and off as you like. (The catch is, there’s really only time to visit one of these places properly and you could get there by tram if you know where you are going!)

The bus did a tour of the Town Hall, Rialto Obversation Deck, Aquarium, Shrine of Remembrance, Arts Centre, Southgate, St Paul’s Cathedral, Cooks Cottage, St Patrick’s Cathedral, Parliament House, National Gallery, Old Melbourne Gaol, Lygon Street South, Museum, Lygon Street, Melbourne University, Melbourne Zoo, Queensberry Street, Queen Victoria Market, Melbourne Central, Chinatown and Bourke Street Stall. (Yes, I’m reading from the brochure.)

I sat in the top deck of the bus, and felt like ducking every time the bus passed under low tree branches which rattled on the roof. Down below, the driver gave a commentary in a flat dry voice and made a few attempts at jokes that didn’t quite make it.

Queen Victoria Market
I stayed on the bus for most of the round trip, not sure if I’d find the right stop to get back on, then when it pulled up at Queen Victoria Market, nearly everyone got off and it seemed a good idea.

The market consists of mostly fruit and vegetable stalls, and lots of clothing stalls. There were some others selling nick-nacks.

I bought a red jacket, which I wore every day for the rest of the week The weather was still cold, though quite pleasant.

The toilet at the market has a big sign above the hand basin. “PLEASE DO NOT SPIT IN THIS HAND BASIN.” I couldn’t help wondering how many people have an overwhelming urge to spit when they read the sign!

I was lucky to get back to the bus stop just a few minutes before the City Explorer returned. I decided I’d go on to Rialto Towers, but the bus pulled up at the Town Hall and we were informed that it wasn’t leaving for another half hour and would be going back the other way. So I took a tram.

Rialto Towers
In her book, “Brain Power,” Marilyn vos Savant says, “… three dimensional orientation is better for your understanding than two dimensional. Whenever ever you can, go up to the top floors of tall buildings and look out the windows, checking for landmarks you recognise and the direction you’re facing…”

I thought of this as I took the lift up to the observation deck on the 55th floor of Rialto Towers. Alas, I don’t think it has improved my brain, but it was an enjoyable experience. I walked around the viewing area several times, drinking in the view. I felt reluctant to descend back into the city, but it was almost time to meet Ben and Agnieszka as they finished work.

We ate at an Italian Restaurant then attended a movie preview, which was interesting, because the author /director was there to discuss it with the audience afterwards.

Friday 27th October

The Dish
Agnieszka had the day off. We went to see “The Dish.” A light hearted movie about the people operating the Parkes Radio Telescope which was the key link up in the Apollo 11 moonwalk. It’s worth watching, though I can understand why some people are upset about the “country bumpkin” image it projects about Australians.

Afterwards we browsed in the big bookshop nearby and explored the boutiques along Chappel Road. I was impressed with the bright vibrantly coloured clothing , – but when do people wear these clothes? From what I’ve seen, everyone in Melbourne seems to wear black! Of course the Melbourne Cup is coming up…..

We met Ben after work and went to a Bach recital “Sleepers Wake” in St Paul’s Cathedral…

“Watch! Pray! Pray! Watch!
Keep prepared for the day
When the Lord of Majesty
Brings the world to its end!”

Lovely music. Beautiful church. But oh, the pews are hard to sit on!

Saturday 28th October.

We all went to the Museum. I liked the “Early Melbourne” exhibits and the simulated trip down the sewer!

Sunday 29th October

12apostles

Great Ocean Road
We took the scenic drive down the Great Ocean Road. Miles and miles and miles of curves – I’m glad I don’t get car-sick! It was late afternoon by the time we reached the spectacular Twelve Apostles Rocks. I loved the white flowers growing all around the area. They look something like Geraldton Wax flowers.

I thought the trip back up the inland road was really more scenic than the Great Ocean Road. The sun was setting over the green paddocks, dotted with sheep and black and white cows, and bordered by tall Cedar trees. (I think that’s what they were.)

It was dark before we were half way home and I found it hard to stay awake after our long day.

Monday. 30th October

Canoing on the Yarra
Ben and Agnieszka both had the day off. We went rowing in a canoe on the Yarra River. I gingerly placed my heavy handbag between my feet, thinking “It will sink straight to the bottom of the river if the canoe tips over – and if I hang on to it, I’ll sink straight to the bottom!” We rowed upstream and manouvred the canoe under a tree where we shared buns with a water fowl and listened to bell birds. Two white ducks escorted us on the way back down stream.

Back on land, I perched on a low wall while Ben and Agnieszka cooked delicious steak on a barbecue. We discovered that there was a colony of hairy caterpillars on the wall and I had to be thoroughly brushed down before we left!

After lunch we went to the Aquarium and saw all kinds of sea creatures that I didn’t know existed. The seahorses were fascinating.

Then we went to see “Saving Grace.” A very entertaining movie with some really funny scenes.

Tuesday 31st October

St Kilda
My last day in Melbourne. It was a good day to be out of the house, because Ben and Agnieszka were having their house restumped and the men were going to jack it up that day. And there was something I still wanted to do. I had to see if I could find my own way back home from the city. I went in with Ben and Agnieszka when they went to work.

After wandering around the shops for a while I realised the hectic week was beginning to catch up with me and all I really wanted to do was sit down somewhere! So I caught a tram and took a ride to St Kilda Beach. It was a pleasant trip, past terrace houses and beautiful gardens. The beach looked inviting but I stayed on the tram until it stopped at the end of the line in the shopping area. I got off and bought a fruit bun to eat before catching another tram back into the city.

“A fruit bun??” said one of my friends, when I told her later. “In St Kilda? Didn’t you go into one of the fancy food places? Didn’t you buy one of their rich cakes??”

Back in the city, I managed to find the right train, then walked about half a mile from the station to Ben and Agnieszka’s house. It was a pleasant walk, along tree-lined streets and past fragrant gardens.

There was just enough time to finish packing my bags and take photos of the house and cats before Ben and Agnieszka came home and took me to the airport.

Home again
It was raining when I arrived back in Brisbane. Joel and Frances were waiting with little Miles. Miles shrieked with delight when I appeared and held my hand all the way to the car.

My cats were a bit aloof when I first arrived home, but when I got into bed they both joined me and purred all night. I’d had a wonderful time, but it was good to be home!

Oscar

Photography doesn’t seem to be my forte. At least I remembered to put a film in the camera this time, but the film didn’t wind on properly and a lot of pictures were taken one on top of another! This picture shows Oscar sitting on his scratching post, but the white paws belong to Olive, who is faintly visible (twice) if the picture is turned sideways,to the left. I actually took seven photos in between the one of Oscar and the two of Olive. Notice the skyscrapers in the background.

Pandora’s box

“Your motor is leaking oil,” the man at the service station told me when I stopped for petrol. “You probably need a new gasket.”

So I left the car with him last Monday. At midday he phoned to tell me it was done. “But I took it for a run, ” he said. “And there are a few problems…”

It needs a new tail-shaft – the present one is worn and dangerous. “It could make the car pole vault!” And probably a new centre joint. The brakes are beginning to crack and there’s a hole in the muffler… ” and how long is it since it had a tune up and service?”

Phew! He certainly opened a Pandora’s box – but I’m so glad he took the trouble to check it over. It’s going to be expensive, but I’d much rather pay with money than with my – or someone else’s – life!

Golden Hammer

While the car was being fixed (I got half the jobs done so far) I spent the day with Mum and Dad. Shea and Callum (my niece and nephew) were there as Shea’s school was having a pupil – free day.

“How much am I bid for the ming vase?” Shea had brought the ‘Golden Hammer” auction game.

“$2,000!” said Mum.

“$12,000!” said Callum.

And so the bidding escalated to dizzy heights. Callum might not have been a prudent bidder, but I was amazed to see how he could count out the money and give correct change – he hasn’t even started school yet!

He’s so funny when he gets excited while playing games. His facial expressions are constantly changing – to say nothing of the sound effects! He can make strange sounds by putting his hand in his armpit and flapping his arm. “You need sticky armpits and wet hands,” he informed us.

And when the game reached a thrilling climax, he stands on one leg on the chair and makes another sound by bending his other leg…

Shea grimaced menacingly at him with her new teeth braces. (She’d just been to the orthodontist.) “I’m uglier now!” she warned him. (She’s not really – they’re not very noticeable at all.)

The game collapsed into utter chaos when Frances arrived with two and a half-year-old Miles.

“My turn,” said Miles. He rolled the dice and moved my marker for me. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15…

But Callum won with great arm and leg flapping. His extravagant bidding had paid off and he’d accumulated all the auction items and most of the wealth.

Mum and Shea had given up and gone outside. The game was getting a bit too ridiculous!

I was five the first time I spoke in front of an audience. Wearing my new pink organdie frock, I stood on the stage at the Sunday School Anniversary and recited,

Once I saw a little bird go hop, hop, hop.
And I said “Little bird, will you stop, stop, stop?”
I was going to the window to say “How do you do,”
But he shook his little tail and far away he flew.”

The audience clapped politely while the boys at the back sniggered

As the next Sunday School Anniversary approached, I vehemently insisted to my parents that I would never go through that dreadful experience again. But the Sunday School superintendent smiled sweetly and asked, “You’ll recite for us again this year, won’t you?”

I hung my head shyly and whispered “Yes,” simply because I was too timid to say “No!”

Half a century later, I’m discovering that speaking in front of a crowd of people needn’t be such a terrifying experience.

“I’d rather give a speech than drive on the freeway,” I commented to my friend Penne, as she drove through the heavy traffic last Sunday on our way to the Toastmasters Area Conference.

“You’re joking!” said Penne.

But I wasn’t joking. Surely there’s less risk speaking to a group of people sitting quietly on their chairs, than it is to maneuver through the same number of people enclosed in metal capsules that are hurtling toward you at 100 miles per hour!

Not that I didn’t feel nervous about the Humorous Speech competition. I certainly felt a few butterflies as the time grew near. But once I got started, I actually enjoyed it. I know I gave a really good performance and would have even won the competition – if it hadn’t been for that other woman who made an absolutely brilliant and funny speech about going to an auction….

In all, our club gained three second places. But watch out for us next year!

You can read my speech if you like. “Every Cat in the Twilight’s Gray.”

The Area Conference was held at the Shaftesbury Campus. It was a lovely peaceful setting for a Conference. The Conference Hall overlooks bushland and a lake. In the afternoon, we had time to go for a relaxing walk by the lake. Just before dark, some kangaroos came out of the bush and stood around watching us as we sat on the verandah.

If you ever go to the Shaftesbury Conference Centre, do go and visit the toilet. It is freshly painted a peaceful blue and A.C., (as the founder of the centre is affectionately known,) is so proud of the butterflies painted on the wall. When he saw me heading in the direction of the toilet he hurried along beside me and asked eagerly “Are you going to the toilet? Come and see the butterflies.” Each time he saw someone emerging from the toilet, he asked “How do you like the butterflies?” They really were beautiful. I wish I’d taken my camera.

Biographical

Before the Humorous Speech competition, I had to fill in a Biographical form. This gives the contest chairman a guide when interviewing the contestants after the speeches. Here are some of the questions and the answers I wrote. (Just in case you are interested.)

Occupation
Volunteer for World Vision.

(I spend a lot of my time sorting, washing, pricing items for our World Vision Club’s Jumble Sales, cooking, sewing or potting plants for our street stalls, and planning and organising our meetings and social functions.)

What are you interested in?
People – learning what makes them tick and how to communicate better. Learning computer skills. Reading. Gardening.

(I also love music and used to play the piano a lot, but never seem to get around to it these days.)

Do you have a nickname?
My two-year-old grandson calls me “Meemar”

(He was trying to say “Grandma” I didn’t really want to be called “Grandma”, because that’s what all the kids call my mother, but Joel insisted I had to be Grandma, because their dog knew me as “Grandma” and he didn’t want to confuse the dog. Miles solved the problem when he called me “Meemar”)

What was your most embarrassing experience?
Losing my half-slip in the shopping centre.

(I was walking along the footpath in the shopping centre, when the elastic in my half slip broke, and it started to slide down. I quickly ducked into a vacant aisle in the supermarket, and quietly stepped out of my slip, and tucked it into my handbag.

Later when I told my friend how lucky I was that no one was around, she said, “What about the security cameras in the supermarket?”)

How would your friends and family describe you?
It depends whether they are mad at me.

(The night we wrote “warm fuzzies” for one another at a Toastmasters meeting, some of the descriptions were “bubbly”, “lively”, “funny”, “friendly”, “helpful” , etc.

But I’ve also been told that I’m “bossy, negative and too competitive.”
Someone else said I was “stubborn and rebellious” when I didn’t do what they wanted.)

Secret Ambition
To tidy my bedroom before I die.

(I call my bedroom “my office.” There are always piles of books and papers that I am currently reading, as well as other odds and ends that don’t seem to belong in any particular place.)

What person do you most admire?
Aung San Suu Kyi

Suu Kyi was awarded the 1991 Nobel Peace Prize for her fight for human rights and freedom in Burma.

(I also admire one my friends, who is always bubbly and cheerful in spite of life- threatening health problems and constant pain. I’ve seen her looking grey and struggling to breathe – still cracking jokes!)

If you could be in a TV show, what kind would it be and what part would you play?
I’d play myself in a sitcom about my chaotic life.

(Actually, my life is not that chaotic, but some of the people around me and the situations they get themselves into would make an interesting TV show.)

Cat critics

My cats, Buddy and Ingrid don’t like the speech I’m trying to rehearse for the Humorous Competition at the Toastmasters Area Conference

As soon as I raise my voice, Ingrid puts her ears back and stomps outside. Buddy is even worse. I’ve cut a bit out of my speech so that it won’t go overtime. It should be alright now, but I can’t find my stop watch to time it. Some things just disappear as soon as I put them down. Last night I put a cup of water in the microwave and set the timer for seven minutes to time my speech as I rehearsed it, while Buddy clung to my leg and howled!

Phantom phone

The phantom phone was still ringing in the storeroom at our Jumble Sale this week. Two our helpers were standing with their ears to the door, listening intently. They jumped nervously when I came up behind them, but were relieved to find it was only me.

“Listen, there’s someone talking!” whispered one. I put my ear against the door.

I could hear a woman’s voice in the storeroom. The words were indistinct, except for a “…thankyou very much,.” then beep, beep, beep!

It must be an answering machine. But why? It gets curiouser and curiouser.

True Blue

At our World Vision Club meetings, the perennial question is, “What will we do next?”

“How about a concert! Get everyone to perform,” was a suggestion last meeting.

“Not me! I can’t do anything!”

“Everyone would be afraid to come if they have to perform.”

We all just sat and looked at each other, devoid of inspiration.

“Let’s have a brain storm,” I said. “Someone, think of a word.”

“Cluster!” said someone.

I wrote “cluster.”

“I didn’t mean that as a word,” she said. “I meant cluster our thoughts!”

“Doesn’t matter. Any word will do. Now, what does it make you think of?”

“Grapes!”

“Families.

“Partying” “Conversation” Stories” the ideas started coming thick and fast.

“You know, someone starts a story and we continue it round the circle…..”

“Jokes.”

“Funny sayings.”

“Australian sayings”

“An Australian day.”

So that’s what our World Vision Club did last Friday. “A True Blue Aussie Day.” Morning tea was damper and syrup, anzac biscuits, lamingtons and pavlova. And all those people who said they couldn’t perform in a concert told jokes and stories, recited poems, and sang songs. Having a theme made the difference!

I’ve put some of the items on a separate page for you to enjoy.

Speaking of natural disasters – our church bulletin this week included this message from our young missionary friends in Cambodia:

“Cambodia is having serious floods at the moment. The area where we work is completely submerged, and our staff can reach people only by boat. We estimate that at least 300 of the families that are members of our savings and loans cooperative have lost their homes. They are sleeping under plastic sheets by the road in make-shift camps, or they have moved into the local temple grounds. The water is lapping at our front door too, so it might not be too long before we have to head for higher grounds.

We urgently need funds for flood relief, to help people get back on their feet when the water subsides…..”

Meanwhile, the sun continues to shine day after day here. Beautiful spring weather – but too much sunshine makes a drought! Last week a group of us went on a bus trip to the Chelsea Flower Show in Laidley. The countryside was very dry and parched looking, and bushfires had left large burnt areas. But the people of Laidley had made a mighty effort and presented a beautiful display of flowers.

Olympic Fever

The whole nation has been in the grip of Olympic fever since the spectacular opening a week ago and the games are the main topic of conversation wherever you go. Most people I know are leaving the TV on all day so they can keep up with the events. Even my two-year-old nephew Matthew, who is a man of few words, has learnt to chant “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, Oi, Oi! I’ve never really been keen on watching sports, but it’s impossible not to be caught up in some of the excitement and inspired by the efforts of the competitors.

It was the main topic at our Friendship Club the other day. I was responsible for the “Thought for the day”.

“Did you know that the original Olympic Games were held in Athens in 776 BC,” I said.

“And they competed in the nude!”

“Where did you read that?”

“It’s just something I knew.”

“Just as well there was no TV.”

I struggled to continue, “…The games are referred to in the Bible. In the book of Hebrews Paul says,”…let us throw off everything that hinders…”

“See, I told you they were nude!”

“and the sin that entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…”

“… they didn’t receive gold medals, they were crowned with a laurel wreath…”

“And when they were tired thy rested on their laurels!”

“Ooh, I hope they weren’t prickly!”

“Specially if they were naked!”

We were discussing the bushfires over morning tea at out World Vision Club meeting.

“If a natural disaster forced you to leave your home on a moment’s notice, what would you take with you? ” I asked. (I was looking for ideas for the “If…” collab )

“Photos,” said one.

“Never mind photos,” said the practical one. “No one will want them after I’ve gone…..I’d take a change of clothes.”

“My favourite books,” said another one.

“You wouldn’t have time to look for them all in an emergency.”

“Maybe we should keep a bag of things ready to grab in an emergency – you know, like you do when you’re about to have a baby…..”

“My purse. If I have money I can but what I need.”

“My cat.”

“My new lounge.”

“My husband.”

“My teeth.”

“Ooh yes! When I had my operation, I told them if I didn’t come through it, be sure to put my teeth back in!”

“Remember Polly? She told me she was having her teeth crowned so they’d look good when she dies – I told her she’d better leave instructions for them to prop her mouth open…..”

“What about Shirl? Didn’t she go to a wedding and forget her teeth?”

“No, that was Mrs B. It was Shirl who went to the movies and laughed so much her teeth fell out and she couldn’t find them in the dark. She was groping around the legs of strangers. This man sitting beside her had taken his shoes off…..”

So I never did get around to telling them what I would grab in an emergency. A lot of my possessions are special and irreplaceable, like books and photos. But I think I’d grab something more practical. My handbag of course, which is usually bulging with sundry items…. and I’d take a blanket, some clothing, a toothbrush, a bottle of water and food.

My cats are more precious than all my possessions, but I think they’d have a better chance of surviving if left free to follow their own instincts. They would soon return when the emergency was over.

It was a fun topic, but it’s a grim reality for so many people in the world. A lot of the money that our World Vision Club raises is used to help people who have had to flee from their homes because of floods, famine and wars. Did you know that right now there are at least 30 million people in the world who are fleeing from war between neighbouring countries or internal conflict?

Many who are left homeless have very few possessions to gather together. And so many have nowhere to go.

We have so much to be thankful for, here.

Yesterday the air was full of smoke. The weather has been so dry for months and bushfires raged in some of the suburbs. Most of them were deliberately lit.

The dry weather is causing other problems. My front door has been sticking for the last week or so. I’ve had to push really hard to get it to close properly. A handyman came and fixed it this morning. He said a lot of people are having the same problem – the dry weather is making the clay in the ground contract and cause the foundations to shift. It’s even worse with brick houses, he said – the bricks are cracking.

My lawn hasn’t grown in six weeks. Even the weeds are struggling. My mower man came this morning and ran the mower over it just to make things tidy. The daisies and geraniums are putting on a brave show, and nasturtiums are running rampant where I didn’t really want them, but they provide a splash a colour.

And the ants are back. Last summer, they were everywhere. I kept sprinkling talc powder on the back path and drawing chalk lines across the doorway. (Did you know that ants won’t cross a chalk line?) The other day I was having a cuppa with an elderly friend when a tiny ant walked across the table.

“Look at that exquisite creature,” she said. “Each part is so tiny but perfect. It’s an example of God’s wonderful creation.”

Then she plonked her finger on it and squashed it flat!

“Having an endoscopy is nothing,” my friend told me. “They put a needle in the back of your hand, and next thing you know, it’s all over.”

My doctor had said, “It’s nothing to worry about – most people come out asking if it has been done.”

Hmmmm, sounded okay – but then another friend told me, “They don’t really put you to sleep, but the drug they use makes you forget everything that happened.”

I wasn’t too sure about that idea. Does that mean it doesn’t matter what happens to you, as long as you have no memory of it? A lot of food for thought there.

Anyway it had to be done. The uncomfortable feeling I’ve been getting when I bend over or lift things has been getting more frequent and troublesome and my GP suspected it was gastro – esophageal reflux. I had an appointment with the specialist on Thursday.

That fitted in well, because Mum and I had been planning to visit a dear old friend in the Nursing Home right beside the Specialist Centre. So we caught an earlier bus and spent a pleasant hour with her before my appointment.

“I’ll do you tomorrow afternoon,” the specialist told me.

Yikes, I was expecting to wait several weeks!

“And if nothing shows up”, he continued, “you’ll need to have some cardiac tests.”

“What if it’s my heart and I cark it tomorrow?” I asked.

He grinned. “Then you’ll have no more problems!”

I wasn’t really worried – but I wasn’t too keen on fasting beforehand, because I have problems with low blood sugar.

No worries. I was allowed to have yogurt for breakfast and clear fluids until three hours before the operation.

Frances drove me to the hospital. She came in with two-year-old Miles while I was being admitted. Miles was fascinated with the large ebony bust of some famous person in the waiting room.

“Where’s the legs?” he asked.

But when the nurse led me away, he cried, “Meemar, Meemar!”

“Meemar has to see the doctor,” Frances told him.

“Miles wants to see the doctor,” he cried.

“You don’t need to see the doctor today,” said Frances.

As they left, he was sniffing, “Miles needs to see the doctor!”

Why am I boring you with all this?

So that you will know if you ever need to have an endoscopy, that it’s nothing to worry about.

They don’t give you a general anesthetic. It’s just something to make you relaxed – and woozy. I was glad they put the sides up on the bed to wheel me into the theatre. I was feeling too woozy to stay on it without falling off!

They sprayed something in my mouth to numb the throat. Not very pleasant tasting, but quite bearable. Then they put a mouthguard in my mouth and inserted the tube. I didn’t feel it. It was all over in a few minutes.

And I can still remember it all. I heard the doctor say something about “no problems” and “more tests.” Yuk!

Fifteen minutes later, I was back in the waiting room chatting woozily to the lady who had been done before me. She said she couldn’t remember anything about it.

“I can,” I said. “I took notes!” We were given a plate of sandwiches and a pot of tea. They tasted good!

By the time Frances drove me home, I was feeling almost normal again. In fact, when Miles sat up at the piano and said, “Meemar, dance!” I even managed a small modified jig.

I still think it’s just indigestion I’ve been getting. Call it a gut feeling if you like!

Fathers Day

Most of the family came over yesterday for Fathers Day. The kids were very good. Sometimes they get overexcited and noisy but this time they were quite civilised. Probably because they didn’t all arrived at once. Lea and David brought Robert and Matthew at lunch time, and Jan arrived with Shea and Callum later in the afternoon. Joel and Frances went to visit Frances’ father, so we didn’t have little Miles this time.

My two-year-old nephew Matthew is very cute. I love the way he runs. He seems to throw his head in the direction he wants to go, and his little short legs have to run along to keep up with it.

We found Matthew bouncing on the bed. When he was told to get off the bed, he suddenly tumbled bottom first down between the crack between the bed and the wall. He looked so funny, with just his head and feet sticking up. We pulled him out and he started jumping again. This time, he fell down the crack headfirst! I was laughing so much; I had trouble pulling him out.

Lucky Dad

“Are we going to church tonight?” asked Mum, after they all went home.

“If you’re not too tired,” I answered. “It should be different tonight – they were having some musical group……”

It was different. My goodness, it was different! The church was set up with tables, cafe style. We stumbled in the dark through the crowd and found a couple of seats in the corner at the back. Then our senses were bombarded with dazzling red, green, orange, blue and purple strobe lights. The singer was totally drowned out by the heavy drums and electric guitars. I don’t know what the songs were – both words and melody were unrecognisable. During one brief moment between songs, Mum whispered, “Lucky Dad – he’s home, watching “Harry’s Practice!”

After what seemed an interminable time, the youth pastor gave a brief talk. He said something about “the power to endure” and mentioned that there would be two more songs. So I found I had the power to endure just two more songs.

The young people were queuing up for food when we left. I said, “Lets go before they decide to sing again!”

Well it brought in the young ones and they seemed to enjoy it, so I mustn’t criticise. But if they ever have another service like that, we’ll be home with Dad……..watching “Harry’s Practice!”

They don’t sing this anymore

I was telling a friend about it this morning. She said, “I found a lovely hymn, yesterday. The last verse is “Breath through the heat of our desires…..”

“Oh yes, I know that one. “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind.”

“How does the tune go?”

So I sang it to her, over the phone. Luckily there was no one listening!

“Like this?” she sang it back to me.

“No, that’s the tune for “While Shepherds watched.” (Did it sound like that when I sang it?)

I wonder how many people during a restless night have found comfort in the words of that lovely old hymn by John Greenleaf Whittier:

Dear Lord and Father of mankind, forgive our foolish ways:
Reclothe us in our rightful mind: In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.

In simple trust like those who heard, beside the Syrian sea,
The gracious calling of the Lord, Let us, like them without a word
Rise up and follow Thee.

O Sabbath rest by Galilee! A calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with Thee the silence of eternity,
Interpreted by love.

With that deep hush subduing all Our words and works that drown
The tender whisper of Thy call, as noiseless let Thy blessings fall,
As fell Thy manna down.

Drop Thy still dews of quietness, till all our strivings cease:
Take from our lives the strain and stress, And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire Thy coolness and Thy balm:
Let sense be dumb, Let flesh retire:
Speak through the earthquake, wind and fire,
O still small voice of calm!