Mamalade

Cat critics

My cats, Buddy and Ingrid don’t like the speech I’m trying to rehearse for the Humorous Competition at the Toastmasters Area Conference

As soon as I raise my voice, Ingrid puts her ears back and stomps outside. Buddy is even worse. I’ve cut a bit out of my speech so that it won’t go overtime. It should be alright now, but I can’t find my stop watch to time it. Some things just disappear as soon as I put them down. Last night I put a cup of water in the microwave and set the timer for seven minutes to time my speech as I rehearsed it, while Buddy clung to my leg and howled!

Phantom phone

The phantom phone was still ringing in the storeroom at our Jumble Sale this week. Two our helpers were standing with their ears to the door, listening intently. They jumped nervously when I came up behind them, but were relieved to find it was only me.

“Listen, there’s someone talking!” whispered one. I put my ear against the door.

I could hear a woman’s voice in the storeroom. The words were indistinct, except for a “…thankyou very much,.” then beep, beep, beep!

It must be an answering machine. But why? It gets curiouser and curiouser.

True Blue

At our World Vision Club meetings, the perennial question is, “What will we do next?”

“How about a concert! Get everyone to perform,” was a suggestion last meeting.

“Not me! I can’t do anything!”

“Everyone would be afraid to come if they have to perform.”

We all just sat and looked at each other, devoid of inspiration.

“Let’s have a brain storm,” I said. “Someone, think of a word.”

“Cluster!” said someone.

I wrote “cluster.”

“I didn’t mean that as a word,” she said. “I meant cluster our thoughts!”

“Doesn’t matter. Any word will do. Now, what does it make you think of?”

“Grapes!”

“Families.

“Partying” “Conversation” Stories” the ideas started coming thick and fast.

“You know, someone starts a story and we continue it round the circle…..”

“Jokes.”

“Funny sayings.”

“Australian sayings”

“An Australian day.”

So that’s what our World Vision Club did last Friday. “A True Blue Aussie Day.” Morning tea was damper and syrup, anzac biscuits, lamingtons and pavlova. And all those people who said they couldn’t perform in a concert told jokes and stories, recited poems, and sang songs. Having a theme made the difference!

I’ve put some of the items on a separate page for you to enjoy.

Speaking of natural disasters - our church bulletin this week included this message from our young missionary friends in Cambodia:

“Cambodia is having serious floods at the moment. The area where we work is completely submerged, and our staff can reach people only by boat. We estimate that at least 300 of the families that are members of our savings and loans cooperative have lost their homes. They are sleeping under plastic sheets by the road in make-shift camps, or they have moved into the local temple grounds. The water is lapping at our front door too, so it might not be too long before we have to head for higher grounds.

We urgently need funds for flood relief, to help people get back on their feet when the water subsides…..”

Meanwhile, the sun continues to shine day after day here. Beautiful spring weather - but too much sunshine makes a drought! Last week a group of us went on a bus trip to the Chelsea Flower Show in Laidley. The countryside was very dry and parched looking, and bushfires had left large burnt areas. But the people of Laidley had made a mighty effort and presented a beautiful display of flowers.

Olympic Fever

The whole nation has been in the grip of Olympic fever since the spectacular opening a week ago and the games are the main topic of conversation wherever you go. Most people I know are leaving the TV on all day so they can keep up with the events. Even my two-year-old nephew Matthew, who is a man of few words, has learnt to chant “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie! Oi, Oi, Oi! I’ve never really been keen on watching sports, but it’s impossible not to be caught up in some of the excitement and inspired by the efforts of the competitors.

It was the main topic at our Friendship Club the other day. I was responsible for the “Thought for the day”.

“Did you know that the original Olympic Games were held in Athens in 776 BC,” I said.

“And they competed in the nude!”

“Where did you read that?”

“It’s just something I knew.”

“Just as well there was no TV.”

I struggled to continue, “…The games are referred to in the Bible. In the book of Hebrews Paul says,”…let us throw off everything that hinders…”

“See, I told you they were nude!”

“and the sin that entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us…”

“… they didn’t receive gold medals, they were crowned with a laurel wreath…”

“And when they were tired thy rested on their laurels!”

“Ooh, I hope they weren’t prickly!”

“Specially if they were naked!”

We were discussing the bushfires over morning tea at out World Vision Club meeting.

“If a natural disaster forced you to leave your home on a moment’s notice, what would you take with you? ” I asked. (I was looking for ideas for the “If…” collab )

“Photos,” said one.

“Never mind photos,” said the practical one. “No one will want them after I’ve gone…..I’d take a change of clothes.”

“My favourite books,” said another one.

“You wouldn’t have time to look for them all in an emergency.”

“Maybe we should keep a bag of things ready to grab in an emergency - you know, like you do when you’re about to have a baby…..”

“My purse. If I have money I can but what I need.”

“My cat.”

“My new lounge.”

“My husband.”

“My teeth.”

“Ooh yes! When I had my operation, I told them if I didn’t come through it, be sure to put my teeth back in!”

“Remember Polly? She told me she was having her teeth crowned so they’d look good when she dies - I told her she’d better leave instructions for them to prop her mouth open…..”

“What about Shirl? Didn’t she go to a wedding and forget her teeth?”

“No, that was Mrs B. It was Shirl who went to the movies and laughed so much her teeth fell out and she couldn’t find them in the dark. She was groping around the legs of strangers. This man sitting beside her had taken his shoes off…..”

So I never did get around to telling them what I would grab in an emergency. A lot of my possessions are special and irreplaceable, like books and photos. But I think I’d grab something more practical. My handbag of course, which is usually bulging with sundry items…. and I’d take a blanket, some clothing, a toothbrush, a bottle of water and food.

My cats are more precious than all my possessions, but I think they’d have a better chance of surviving if left free to follow their own instincts. They would soon return when the emergency was over.

It was a fun topic, but it’s a grim reality for so many people in the world. A lot of the money that our World Vision Club raises is used to help people who have had to flee from their homes because of floods, famine and wars. Did you know that right now there are at least 30 million people in the world who are fleeing from war between neighbouring countries or internal conflict?

Many who are left homeless have very few possessions to gather together. And so many have nowhere to go.

We have so much to be thankful for, here.

Yesterday the air was full of smoke. The weather has been so dry for months and bushfires raged in some of the suburbs. Most of them were deliberately lit.

The dry weather is causing other problems. My front door has been sticking for the last week or so. I’ve had to push really hard to get it to close properly. A handyman came and fixed it this morning. He said a lot of people are having the same problem - the dry weather is making the clay in the ground contract and cause the foundations to shift. It’s even worse with brick houses, he said - the bricks are cracking.

My lawn hasn’t grown in six weeks. Even the weeds are struggling. My mower man came this morning and ran the mower over it just to make things tidy. The daisies and geraniums are putting on a brave show, and nasturtiums are running rampant where I didn’t really want them, but they provide a splash a colour.

And the ants are back. Last summer, they were everywhere. I kept sprinkling talc powder on the back path and drawing chalk lines across the doorway. (Did you know that ants won’t cross a chalk line?) The other day I was having a cuppa with an elderly friend when a tiny ant walked across the table.

“Look at that exquisite creature,” she said. “Each part is so tiny but perfect. It’s an example of God’s wonderful creation.”

Then she plonked her finger on it and squashed it flat!

“Having an endoscopy is nothing,” my friend told me. “They put a needle in the back of your hand, and next thing you know, it’s all over.”

My doctor had said, “It’s nothing to worry about - most people come out asking if it has been done.”

Hmmmm, sounded okay - but then another friend told me, “They don’t really put you to sleep, but the drug they use makes you forget everything that happened.”

I wasn’t too sure about that idea. Does that mean it doesn’t matter what happens to you, as long as you have no memory of it? A lot of food for thought there.

Anyway it had to be done. The uncomfortable feeling I’ve been getting when I bend over or lift things has been getting more frequent and troublesome and my GP suspected it was gastro - esophageal reflux. I had an appointment with the specialist on Thursday.

That fitted in well, because Mum and I had been planning to visit a dear old friend in the Nursing Home right beside the Specialist Centre. So we caught an earlier bus and spent a pleasant hour with her before my appointment.

“I’ll do you tomorrow afternoon,” the specialist told me.

Yikes, I was expecting to wait several weeks!

“And if nothing shows up”, he continued, “you’ll need to have some cardiac tests.”

“What if it’s my heart and I cark it tomorrow?” I asked.

He grinned. “Then you’ll have no more problems!”

I wasn’t really worried - but I wasn’t too keen on fasting beforehand, because I have problems with low blood sugar.

No worries. I was allowed to have yogurt for breakfast and clear fluids until three hours before the operation.

Frances drove me to the hospital. She came in with two-year-old Miles while I was being admitted. Miles was fascinated with the large ebony bust of some famous person in the waiting room.

“Where’s the legs?” he asked.

But when the nurse led me away, he cried, “Meemar, Meemar!”

“Meemar has to see the doctor,” Frances told him.

“Miles wants to see the doctor,” he cried.

“You don’t need to see the doctor today,” said Frances.

As they left, he was sniffing, “Miles needs to see the doctor!”

Why am I boring you with all this?

So that you will know if you ever need to have an endoscopy, that it’s nothing to worry about.

They don’t give you a general anesthetic. It’s just something to make you relaxed - and woozy. I was glad they put the sides up on the bed to wheel me into the theatre. I was feeling too woozy to stay on it without falling off!

They sprayed something in my mouth to numb the throat. Not very pleasant tasting, but quite bearable. Then they put a mouthguard in my mouth and inserted the tube. I didn’t feel it. It was all over in a few minutes.

And I can still remember it all. I heard the doctor say something about “no problems” and “more tests.” Yuk!

Fifteen minutes later, I was back in the waiting room chatting woozily to the lady who had been done before me. She said she couldn’t remember anything about it.

“I can,” I said. “I took notes!” We were given a plate of sandwiches and a pot of tea. They tasted good!

By the time Frances drove me home, I was feeling almost normal again. In fact, when Miles sat up at the piano and said, “Meemar, dance!” I even managed a small modified jig.

I still think it’s just indigestion I’ve been getting. Call it a gut feeling if you like!

Fathers Day

Most of the family came over yesterday for Fathers Day. The kids were very good. Sometimes they get overexcited and noisy but this time they were quite civilised. Probably because they didn’t all arrived at once. Lea and David brought Robert and Matthew at lunch time, and Jan arrived with Shea and Callum later in the afternoon. Joel and Frances went to visit Frances’ father, so we didn’t have little Miles this time.

My two-year-old nephew Matthew is very cute. I love the way he runs. He seems to throw his head in the direction he wants to go, and his little short legs have to run along to keep up with it.

We found Matthew bouncing on the bed. When he was told to get off the bed, he suddenly tumbled bottom first down between the crack between the bed and the wall. He looked so funny, with just his head and feet sticking up. We pulled him out and he started jumping again. This time, he fell down the crack headfirst! I was laughing so much; I had trouble pulling him out.

Lucky Dad

“Are we going to church tonight?” asked Mum, after they all went home.

“If you’re not too tired,” I answered. “It should be different tonight - they were having some musical group……”

It was different. My goodness, it was different! The church was set up with tables, cafe style. We stumbled in the dark through the crowd and found a couple of seats in the corner at the back. Then our senses were bombarded with dazzling red, green, orange, blue and purple strobe lights. The singer was totally drowned out by the heavy drums and electric guitars. I don’t know what the songs were - both words and melody were unrecognisable. During one brief moment between songs, Mum whispered, “Lucky Dad - he’s home, watching “Harry’s Practice!”

After what seemed an interminable time, the youth pastor gave a brief talk. He said something about “the power to endure” and mentioned that there would be two more songs. So I found I had the power to endure just two more songs.

The young people were queuing up for food when we left. I said, “Lets go before they decide to sing again!”

Well it brought in the young ones and they seemed to enjoy it, so I mustn’t criticise. But if they ever have another service like that, we’ll be home with Dad……..watching “Harry’s Practice!”

They don’t sing this anymore

I was telling a friend about it this morning. She said, “I found a lovely hymn, yesterday. The last verse is “Breath through the heat of our desires…..”

“Oh yes, I know that one. “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind.”

“How does the tune go?”

So I sang it to her, over the phone. Luckily there was no one listening!

“Like this?” she sang it back to me.

“No, that’s the tune for “While Shepherds watched.” (Did it sound like that when I sang it?)

I wonder how many people during a restless night have found comfort in the words of that lovely old hymn by John Greenleaf Whittier:

Dear Lord and Father of mankind, forgive our foolish ways:
Reclothe us in our rightful mind: In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.

In simple trust like those who heard, beside the Syrian sea,
The gracious calling of the Lord, Let us, like them without a word
Rise up and follow Thee.

O Sabbath rest by Galilee! A calm of hills above,
Where Jesus knelt to share with Thee the silence of eternity,
Interpreted by love.

With that deep hush subduing all Our words and works that drown
The tender whisper of Thy call, as noiseless let Thy blessings fall,
As fell Thy manna down.

Drop Thy still dews of quietness, till all our strivings cease:
Take from our lives the strain and stress, And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire Thy coolness and Thy balm:
Let sense be dumb, Let flesh retire:
Speak through the earthquake, wind and fire,
O still small voice of calm!

Blowin’ in the wind

Papers are blowing down the street. The windows rattle and doors slam. The air is filled with whirling leaves and Pine needles. Pinecones tumble and crash onto the roof of my neighbour’s tin shed, reverberating like gunshots.

Spring has come and winter is being blown out. But he is not leaving quietly!

I’m glad it wasn’t like that on Friday - because our World Vision Club had a Street Stall in the main street. We usually have one just before Father’s Day, because there are lots of people out shopping. We also had a Jumble sale on the same day, in the hall, just up the road from our stall. It was a busy day. We had extra helpers, but most of us spent the morning dividing our time between the Jumble Sale and the Street Stall. There weren’t as many people about as we thought there would be. The staff of the Commonwealth Bank was on strike, and the bank was closed. That made quite a big difference, since a lot of our customers are pensioners, who come on their way back from the bank. We still did quite well, all the same.

Voices

“The sink is talking to me!” one of our World Vision ladies came out of the kitchen looking quite worried. “I can hear voices coming up through the plughole,” she insisted.

Well, you can imagine the kind of comments we made, but I followed her out to the kitchen and listened.

I heard voices. Male voices. And they seemed to be coming through the plughole of the sink. Investigations proved that there were men working on the plumbing of the hall and their voices must have been carried through the pipes.

But there is another mystery we haven’t solved. In the hall where we hold our Jumble sales, there is a little storeroom off to the side of the kitchen. The door is always locked. There is no other entry into the room. Recently we have been hearing a phone ringing in that little room. A simple explanation could be that someone left their mobile phone in there. But one day, when it rang we heard someone answer it!!! Surely no one would sit in a tiny dark windowless room all day waiting for the phone to ring!