Speech No. 10 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual

Date presented: 26 Nov,1996

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The objectives of this speech were:

• To understand the mood and feelings of your audience on a particular occasion.
• To put those feelings into words and inspire the audience, using all the techniques you have learned so far.

Time 8 to 10 minutes.

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Freedom to Choose

For every action, there is a reaction. You hit your thumb with a hammer. You say “Ouch!” – or it’s quite likely you express your feelings more eloquently. You might react by flying into a rage and fling down the hammer. You might yell and blame someone else. Or you might wait till the pain subsides, then pick up the hammer and start again. You act according to your personality and have no power to act otherwise…… or do you?

If someone offered you a thousand dollars if you changed your attitude, would that give you more power? I think most of us would quickly learn to control our emotions if we thought we had something to gain. The truth is, we do have the power to choose our reactions. It is not what happens to us that shapes our lives, – it is the way we react to it. Hitting you thumb is just one of life’s little irritations. But what about the big problems? How do we react to conflicts, serious illness, financial problems, accidents – death?

Someone once said,“The essence of greatness is the ability to choose personal fulfillment in circumstances where others choose madness.”

Stephen Covey tells the story of Victor Frankl who was imprisoned in a Nazi death camp. Frankl suffered indescribable torture and indignities but he became aware of something his captors could never take from him. He called it “the last of the human freedoms.” It was his freedom to decide within himself how all this was going to affect him. He had the power to choose that response. His captors had more liberty – more options to choose from in their environment, but he had more freedom – more internal power to exercise his options.

We don’t have to be victims of circumstances. We have the power and freedom to make a conscious choice about how we react to our circumstances.

We don’t have to be slaves to our emotional reactions. Of course, we shouldn’t ignore our emotions. When things go wrong in our life we hurt. We feel pain, anger, disappointment frustration. This is normal. Emotions are integral to our humanity. We need time to acknowledge our feelings and work through them.

Like Mike in the daily comic strip “For Better or Worse.” One day he said, “Man, sometimes it seems as though your whole world collapses at once, doesn’t it?”

“Sure does,” said his mother, “And when your life falls apart you sift through the pieces, pick up the stuff you need, discard the stuff you don’t and start again.”

“I know,” said Mike, “but you gotta stare at the rubble for a while first.”

Sometimes we need to stare at the rubble for quite a while. It’s part of the healing process. But gradually we must learn from it and move on.

Sadly, some people spend their lives still staring at the rubble. An old lady I know is still nursing grievances from her youth. She keeps them bottled inside her, pickled in vinegar and serves them up to anyone who visits her. It takes a lifetime of practice to become as bitter as she is!

I know another old lady who is a joy and inspiration to all who know her. She has known tragedy and hardship, but like Frankl in the Nazi camp, she has transcended her circumstances. She has exercised her freedom to choose her reactions!

How can we choose our reactions? Can we really take responsibility for emotions that surface spontaneously? The answer is quite simple. I found it in Catherine Marshall’s book “Beyond Ourselves.” Feelings are real, but they are not reality. Our emotions are not the real us. There is something within us, behind our emotions, behind our inclinations – an independent self that decides everything and controls everything.

The motivating force in our lives is….. our will.

If we set our will in the right direction, our emotional reactions will trail behind. Sometimes it will be a long way behind, but eventually, they will catch up.

If you are willing to be happy, you will eventually feel happy.

We only become brave if we are willing to act bravely when we are afraid. One of my friends has learned to cope with a loveless marriage by making the decision to be loving. She has discovered that love, as Stephen Covey puts it, is a verb. Love, the feeling, is a fruit of the verb love. So it is with our will. What ever we will to do is a verb – an action – our emotional reaction is a fruit of our will.

So it is up to you. Are you going to be a victim of circumstances, or will you choose how you will react.

Will you throw down the hammer and give up, or will you use it to build a stronger character.

The choice is yours.

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COMMENT
I felt enthused about the topic, because it was something I really wanted to let my listeners know. I think it was successful.

Speech No. 9 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual

Date presented: 24 Sept,1996

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The objectives of this speech were:

• To gather accurate, up-to-date information on a subject
  so you can expand your knowledge and that of your audience.
• To write a speech based on the insights gained from your research.
• To read the speech before the audience in an interesting, lively and meaningful manner

Time 7 minutes.

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Seek First to Understand

What is the difference between a man and a beast?Sometimes it is hard to tell – but the most important characteristic that sets man apart from all other creatures, is language. The ability to communicate through spoken or written words.

Through words we can touch one another’s minds – and yet it is strange how seldom and how fleetingly our minds meet. Most of us have not learned to communicate very well.

Nathan Miller once remarked that “conversation is a competitive exercise, in which the first person to draw breath is declared the listener.”

A lot of people I know take this competition very seriously. They plunge determinedly into conversation, hardly surfacing for air while their listeners flounder in the wash of words.

Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand. They listen with the intent to reply. They’re speaking or preparing to speak.

“Oh, I know how you feel.” They tell us. “Let me tell you about my experience.”

Psychologist Jesse Nirenberg says, “When each person struggles against the other to use the conversation for his own purposes, each feels frustrated by the other. Since both are struggling for the same thing, each is too tense to listen attentively to the other. As a result, all that each gets is the time to talk, but not the attention of the other person.”

We all need to be listened to, to be understood, to be appreciated. If someone is to influence us, to receive our confidences or give helpful advice, we must first feel that he really understands us.

In one simple sentence, Stephen Covey sums up what he feels is the most important principal in interpersonal relationships. It is this:

“Seek first to understand. Then to be understood.”

In his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Covey relates a conversation with a frustrated father.

“I can’t understand my kid,”said the man. “He just won’t listen to me.”

“Let me get this right.” replied Covey. “You don’t understand your son because HE won’t listen to you.”

“That’s right,” agreed the man.

“I thought,” said Covey, “that to understand another person, You needed to listen to him.”

“Oh,” said the man. “Oh, yeah! But I do understand him. I know what he’s going through. I went through the same thing myself. I guess what I don’t understand is why he won’t listen to me.”

This man had no idea what was going on in his son’s head. He looked into his own head and thought he saw the world, including his son. Many of us are like that man. We think the other person views the world through our own frame of reference.

We wouldn’t expect our reading glasses to suit someone with a different visual problem. Why should we expect our point of view to fit them? We need to keep in mind that the other person has different experiences, different values and a different way of looking at things. He is even likely to use different words to say the same thing.

Words mean different things to different people. One night my son was telling me about a science fiction movie he’d seen.

I commented. “You like watching weird things.”

He said, “You’re so negative! Everything you don’t like is ‘weird’.”

I tried to explain that by “weird” I meant “Off beat”, “supernatural”. In an attempt to mend the rapidly deteriorating communication, I asked him what his favorite movie was.

He told me and I said, “Oh, that dreadful thing! I didn’t like it at all.”

Is it any wonder he doesn’t bother communicating with me? I realise now, I was being judgmental. He took it as a personal criticism of his taste in movies.

Psychologist Carl Rogers says, “The major barrier to communication is the natural tendency to judge, – to approve or disapprove of the statements of the other person.

Judging tends to diminish the other’s self esteem. It triggers defensiveness and can lead to withdrawal.

I hadn’t even realised I was doing it. As Robert Bolton says, “It’s like suddenly knowing the enemy and finding out it’s me!”

We must seek first to understand the other person. Accept him from his viewpoint as we encourage him to express his ideas and feelings. Not only are our relationships likely to improve, but a lot more of what we say will get through.

Seek first to understand; then maybe you will be understood.

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COMMENTS

I found this speech very hard to write. I think it was because I was referring to too many sources and trying to paraphrase what other people had written on the topic rather than telling my own story. However I did gain some personal insights while researching it.

Speech No. 8 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual

Date presented: 11 June,1996

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The objectives of this speech were:   

• To present a talk that persuades the audience
  to accept your proposal or viewpoint
• To achieve this by appealing to the audience’s self interest
  building a logical foundation for agreement,
  and arousing emotional commitment to your cause.

Time 5 to 7 minutes.

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Change the Future

What is the most precious thing in all the world? It is your child. Your child and everybody’s child is the future. You couldn’t bear the thought of anything bad happening to your precious child – could you?

Can you imagine how you would feel if you couldn’t afford to feed your child properly and had to watch him grow sicker and weaker? What if you were so desperate, you had to sell your child to someone you thought could offer him a better life? How would feel if you later discovered you sold your little girl into a life of prostitution, or that your son had become a shackled slave?

For millions of parents, this is not just a nightmare; it is a grim reality. An article in the Los Angeles Times reports that there are eight hundred thousand child prostitutes in Thailand alone. India has up to 55 million child laborers.

Most of them are illiterate. Many are shackled to prevent them from running away.

What if it was your child?

While our kids go to school, watch television, play computer games, an estimated 100 million children live and die n the streets of the world’s cities. They beg, sell newspapers, or shine shoes or they work as street vendors, prostitutes or drug traffickers.

Some live on rubbish dumps, scavenging whatever they can to sell to provide their next meal – while our kids waste enough in their lifetime to feed an entire Asian village for months.

Don’t you wish you could do something to redress the imbalance – this horrible injustice?

I’m going to tell you how you really can make a difference. You can provide a child with food, clean water, health care and education. You can give him a future.

How? By sponsoring a child through World Vision.

It will only cost you $31 a month. That’s just $1 a day. Less than a chocolate bar or a can of soft drink.

World Vision is a Christian development aid agency operating in over 90 countries. It was founded in 1950 by an American doctor, Bob Pierce.

World Vision doesn’t just relieve the symptoms of poverty; it deals with the causes – so when you sponsor a child, it doesn’t only help that child. Sponsorship funds are pooled so that the whole community benefits.

It’s 23 years since I became a child sponsor. The first child I sponsored was Hae Joo. He was a serious looking Korean boy who loved detective stories. He lived in a Leprosy village, because both his parents had the disease. Through World Vision Sponsorship, the people in the village raised pigs and cows and grew vegetables. They built their own school and gradually replaced their shacks with cement houses. Finally they became self-supporting and World Vision was able to move to another needy area.

I now sponsor Mutugi in Kenya. Mutugi’s mother used to spend three quarters of her day walking 10 kilometers to fetch water for her family. Now, thanks to World Vision’s water development programme, she can care for her family and grow vegetables to sell.

That’s what World Vision Sponsorship is all about … changing lives…. Changing futures.

Helping people to help themselves.

You can become part of World Vision’s efforts to bring justice to the world.

When you become a child sponsor, you will receive a folder with your child’s photo and personal details. If you wish, you can exchange letters with your child. They will be translated. Annual reports will inform of your child’s development.

You may be wondering how much of the money actually gets there.

World Vision spends only 7% on administration, 17% on fund raising and 6% on community education. That means 70 cents of every dollar is spent on relief and development projects.

Sponsors are welcome to visit World Vision projects and see the evidence for themselves. One of my friends visited her sponsored child in Bangladesh. She was warmly welcomed by the family into the house that World Vision had helped to build. Through an interpreter she talked with women in the project and came home to tell us, “Yes, the money does get there.”

For only $31 a month (tax deductible) you too can bring hope to a child and the community around him. Just fill in the coupon in this brochure. You won’t regret it.

You’ll be helping to change the future.

Somewhere out there a precious child needs you.

 

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COMMENTS   

This one was successful. I find it easy to speak about something I really believe in.

Speech No. 7 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual

Date presented: 9 April, 1996

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The objectives of this speech were: 

• To bring together and apply the skills learnt in the preceding projects.
• To organize the speech in a logical manner
• To research facts needed to support the speech.

Time 5 to 7 minutes.

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Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

The big bad wolf has stalking me for most of my life. He lurks in shopping centres, bank queues, and busy streets. One of his favorite haunts is along the highway where he lies in wait for me to drive along it.I feel him watching as I approach the roundabout. What if he gets me this time? My heart flutters frantically as the fear escalates. I turn up the car radio, hoping to distract the wolf, but he grabs me, almost crushing so I can hardly breathe. He snarls menacingly as I pass under the bridge, but just as he is about to devour me, I emerge, light headed on the other side.

The wolf had me bluffed for a long time, but I’ve finally recognized him through the writings of Dr. Claire Weekes. The name of the big bad wolf is Agoraphobia. Dr Weekes explains that although the literal meaning of the term “Agoraphobia” means fear of the market place”. It is actually fear of what the market place represents – loss of safety, of losing control. It is a fear of fear. Agoraphobics avoid any situation they fear will set off a panic attack.

The wolf first attacks when his victim is most vulnerable. He may creep up insiduously during an illness or time of stress or he may strike rapaciously in cases of shock such as an accident or operation. He snared me during a childhood illness. although my symptoms were mostly physical, they were exacerbated by a fear of the feelings that arose from within. I was a prime candidate for Agoraphobia.

There are three ways a victim might react to the big bad wolf. I chose the most common one.

FLIGHT. Flee from all situations that might cause panic. Avoid any place the wolf may be lurking.

For years I avoided driving on the highway after having a panic attack on that particular stretch of road, but finally necessity made me fight the big bad wolf.

This is the second way of dealing with him.

FIGHT. Don’t give in to the panic. Meet the wolf head on.

With grim determination and dread I drove on that road every week, then one day I decided to kill the big bad wolf!

I drove through the roundabout and under the bridge. I made a U-turn in the first side street and did it again – and again – until the wolf was flushed out of his hiding place. Then I went home rejoicing. The wolf is dead! The wolf is dead!

He hasn’t bothered me since then. Did I really kill the wolf? I can now drive on that particular highway, but there are still other places I avoid. I may eventually flush him out of those places, but he will reappear somewhere else. Simply getting used to one difficult situation after another won’t kill the wolf.

I have to learn how to cope with the actual symptoms of panic, not merely the situations in which they occur.

Which brings me to the third and only effective way of dealing with the wolf.

FLOAT. Claire Weekes explains it in her book, “Simple Effective Treatment of Agoraphobia” “Floating resembles accepting. It means to go with feelings of panic, offering no resistance, just as if floating on calm water. The wolf is most vicious when he first strikes but if you relax and stand your ground, he quietens and disappears.” Let him come, but practice passing through the panic without being afraid of it.

True acceptance means even welcoming panic as an opportunity to practic coping with it. (I still haven”t attained this state, but it will come with time.)

One day the big bad wolf could huff and puff at your door. Just remember -

FLIGHT is useless. As long as you run, the wolf will keep coming after you.

FIGHT only increases tension and produces more panic.

Just FLOAT. Accept the panic. Float past the unpleasant feelings. Panic will cease to come only when it no longer matters.

There’s no need to be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf.

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COMMENTSThis one was very successful. Personal experience is always the best source.
I was afraid it might be a bit too personal! At least they understand now why I need a lift if we are attending Toastmaster functions outside our local area!  

Speech No. 6 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual

Date presented: 13 Feb, 1996

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The objectives of this speech were:  

• To gain an understanding of the functions and uses of the spoken word
• To select precisely the right words required
• To communicate your ideas clearly, vividly and appropriately
• To avoid common mistakes in word use

Time 5 to 7 minutes.

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I’m Speechless

I hate to say this, but I feel like quitting Toastmasters. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the meetings – on the contrary, I look forward to them with eager anticipation. So why this sudden change of heart?You’ll find the reason on tonight’s programme, where it has my name down for a Hot Spot* speech.

I’m not blaming anyone! I volunteered to give a speech. I had chosen a topic months ago and was looking forward to displaying my command over words. So when I finally sat down to set my thoughts on paper, I expected them to simply flow onto the page. But what happened? Nothing!

No problem, I thought. I’ve just chosen the wrong topic. I wrote a snappy introduction for an entirely different speech. And then, nothing!

I was becoming just a bit apprehensive, but I forged ahead and tried another topic. The blank page told exactly what was in my mind. I felt the goosebumps rise as the horrible realisation crept up on me and suddenly grabbed me. This was to be my sixth speech, but by some cruel quirk of nature I had been born with only five speeches in me.

What a fool I am! I should have guessed last meeting when I floundered at Table Topics. All this time I’ve been passing as normal among Toastmasters who progress through their 10 Manual speeches and earn their C.T.M. badge, then they go on to obtain A.T.M.s and D.T.M.s**

How long would it be before they discover I’m just a 5 Speech Toastmaster? Oh, the shame and embarrassment! What is a person like me doing in a Toastmasters Club?

Hold on, I thought, Maybe I could go on bluffing a little longer if I could squeeze out something – anything – that sounded like a speech.

I grabbed a fresh page. At the top I wrote the title of my speech. I underlined it. Then I drew a box around it. I decorated the edge with scallops. I filled in the “O” and the “D”.

Underneath I wrote my shopping list.

My tabby cat jumped up and lay across the page. I tied my list to a piece of string and played with the cat.

The postman offered a reprieve. I took the latest “Reader’s Digest” from the letterbox. Ah, surely I’d find inspiration there. Each article would have made a great speech. If only I had thought of it first. But what can you expect from a 5 speech toastmaster?

I spent the afternoon reading the Digest.

Next morning I looked at the crossword in the paper. Why hadn’t I thought of that before? Crosswords stimulate the mind and improve the vocabulary. But this was evidently a trick crossword. The clues were easy enough but it didn’t have the right number of squares for my solutions.

Now I was really worried. Not only had I used up all my speeches, I was also running out of words.

Frantically I reviewed my 5 speeches. If only I’d known, I could have spread them over a longer period. If I’d just used one a year I could have masqueraded as a Toastmaster for 5 years! And look at the topics I’d chosen. I had squandered my birthright on frivolous subjects. I should have made every word count.

It’s not fair! Someone should have warned me. There’s no mention of such a possibility in the “Communication and Leadership” manual.

I reread the manual right through. The basic outline of a speech sounds quite simple – for normal Toastmasters.

“Plan your opening” it says. Capture their attention and lead into the topic. Hmmmm…. I read on.

The body of the speech should have 3 points. But my mind is in such confusion, I don’t know what the 3 points are!

I’ll just have to confess that I’m a 5 speech Toastmaster. I thought I’d get your attention by saying I feel like quitting. Then I’d explain that the reason is because I’ve made this awful discovery. Next, I’d tell how I tried to get around it, and then I’d tell what I’ve decided.

I’ll conclude by saying if you don’t mind having a 5 speech toastmaster in the club, I won’t quit just yet. At least not until I’m due to give the next speech!

 

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*A Toastmaster in the Hot Spot has to fill in for someone who is unable to perform their allotted task that night.
**C.T.M. Competent Toastmaster. A.T.M. Able Toastmaster. D.T.M. Distinguished Toastmaster.

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COMMENTS  

This speech is not a good example of working with words. I had an acute case of writer’s block. This feeble effort was just a better option than no speech at all.

Speech No. 5 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual

Date presented: 28 Nov,1995

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The objectives of this speech were: 

• To explore the use of voice, volume, pitch, rate and quality
  as assets to your speaking
• To apply the principles of a well-developed voice
  to a particular speech.

Time 5 to 7 minutes.

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The Postmaster

Some people appear to be devoid of human compassion, and the postmaster in our small country town was one of them.He was short and squat like a letterbox, with a pugnacious jaw and grey hair that bristled with impatience.

No one lingered to exchange pleasantries over the counter. No unaccompanied child was sent to buy stamps. All were in awe of his ferocious frown and verbal viciousness.

And yet – he always spoke kindly to his dog. It wasn’t a bit like Laddie, my lovely Labrador. It was a stupid fox terrier, fat and smelly and bad tempered like it’s master. All day it would sit in the doorway of the postoffice, snapping and snarling at anyone who dared to enter.

The mat at the door had “Welcome” printed on it. Hah! That was the only time the postmaster displayed a sense of humor. Anyone with the temerity to enter would receive a blistering glare.

How dare they disturb him in the middle of his mystery novel? He would read to the end of the chapter,then stomp indignantly to the counter.

“Well, what do you want? I haven’t got all day, you know. Oh, no, don’t tell me you want change!”

If it hadn’t been for that irrascible postmaster I would have enjoyed my first job on the telephone exchange. I was 17 and excruciatingly shy. At first it was an effort for me to stammer “Number please” and “Three minutes, are you extending?”

As I gained confidence, it became a game to see if I could answer the calls before Marcy did. But if the Postmaster’s number lit up on the switchboard, we would both hesitate, each hoping the other would take the call. While in the adjoining room, he would furiously pump the receiver up and down, his face indicating stormy weather by changing from red to purple.

When the called number didn’t answer immediately, he would throw down the phone, run to the switchboard and berate us for not ringing loud enough. Meanwhile, of course the called party would answer and hang up, so the whole pantomime had to be repeated.

I used to dread payday. We had to enter the main office and practically beg the postmaster for our pay. One day when I timidly approached his desk, he was so absorbed in his book, he didn’t hear me until I spoke.

“Ahem. excuse me, Sir…”

He shot up out of his chair with a furious bellow. “What do you mean, sneaking up on me like that!”

After that, I never went in while he was reading. I made sure of that by first peeking through the keyhole – until one day I got a terrible shock. There was a baleful blue eye glaring back at me from the other side!

We had always suspected him of spying on us. He often used to slink furtively around the back of the postoffice.

Marcy told me he took anything left lying around. I didn’t believe he’d stoop that low. Still, things did disappear – the watch I left on the sink, coins from the table, biscuits out of our locker – and Marcy’s chocolates.

She was really upset about those chocolates. The new telephone technician had brought them for her.

“He’s gorgeous” she told me. “He has big soft brown eyes, like your dog, Laddie.”

A few days later my lovely dog was run over. My beautiful golden Laddie with the soft brown eyes.

How could I sound brisk and cheerful as I answered calls that day, while my heart was breaking?

I don’t know who told the postmaster. He came strutting into the room where I sat at the switchboard. His dispeptic dog waddled behind. They looked so alike.

He looked at me thoughtfully, not unkindly, then at his dog. Could he be imagining how he would feel if he lost his dog? Could he actually be ….human?

Suddenly he thrust a box in front of me.

“Would you like a chocolate?”

“Er..thankyou,” I stammered “but I couldn’t. I..I’m on a diet.”

I felt miserable.

The simple gesture of sympathy had not been easy for him and it seemed churlish to rebuff him.

But I couldn’t take one of Marcy’s chocolates, could I?

 

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COMMENTS 

This was a story I had written for a Creative Writing course. I reused it for this speech. Although it had scope for vocal variety, a speech especially written to suit the requirements probably would have been better.

Speech No. 4 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual
Date presented: 26 Sept,1995

The objectives of this speech were:

• To learn the value of gestures and body movements as part of a speech
• To explore the different ways of using body language
• To develop a sense of timing and natural, smooth body movement.

Time 5 to 7 minutes.

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Speaking in public is said to be the second greatest fear that most people have. The greatest fear of all – is death. 

Each time we face up to our fears and deal with them, we grow. At least that is what my son Ben tells me, as we consider the Rocky Hollow Log Ride at Dreamworld.

Whee! Splash! Oh, it looks wonderful, and they all come back laughing. Slightly wet, but everyone laughs. They’re having a glorious time.

“Come on Mum,” coaxes Ben, “Think of it as a growth experience.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!” I tell him. I’ve always been content to experience my thrills vicariously, from a spectator’s seat, and yet – I can’t help thinking of an article in a recent Toastmaster’s Magazine, “Take a Giant Step out of your Comfort Zone.”

But I couldn’t take that great a step. Just listen to the screams as they come hurtling down the slide. Oh, no. I’ll just watch.

“It’s perfectly safe,” says Ben. “Little kids are going on it – and look at that lady. She’s even older than you.”

Oh, I know it’s safe. I truly believe it’s safe. But there is a vast difference between believing in something and in daring to experience it yourself.

Still it can’t be too bad. Everyone comes back laughing.

I don’t know how I came to be straddled across a wet seat in a hollow log boat, but I’m sure it’s a mistake. Oh, well, looks like I’m committed now. Maybe they should have committed me years ago.

Ben’s not worried. He hums a little ditty as we drift into a dark tunnel. What have I let myself in for? I don’t know where I’m going or what will happen. There’s no way out now, but to go through with it.

Aaah…! The boat drops down a black hole in the darkness. I wasn’t expecting that. My heart is pounding. If that little dip frightened me, how will I cope with that big slide at the end? Oh, why did I let myself get talked into this? I get frightened on escalators!

What if I have a heart attack? Who’ll put out the wheelie bin tonight?

My thoughts spin in the darkness, like a kitten chasing it’s tail. Round & round & round. I feel the fear and I’m afraid of feeling the fear. I’m afraid of what the fear of fear will do to me.

Ben seems oblivious to the horror of the situation. “We’re climbing now.” He says happily.

The boat is pulled higher and higher and my tension rises with it. I know I’m going to panic. What if I pass out when we reach the top? How will I be able to hold on? I can see the headlines in tomorrow’s news. “Spectators watch in horror as woman plunges to her death at Dreamworld.”

I don’t want to die! Not before I get my C.T.M.!*

Look, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. We’re almost at the top. I hold on so tightly, they’ll probably have trouble unclenching my fists when they retrieve my body.

We emerge in blinding daylight and I see the crowd way down below. Every detail is etched sharply on my mind before I take a header into eternity.

Then we’re falling! It happens so quickly and I feel – nothing!

Swoosh! As we splash down there is water everywhere. It’s in the air. It comes down on my head, my cheeks, my shoulders. It feels wonderful!

And I start to laugh. It feels like the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. I’m still laughing as Ben helps me out of the boat. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he asks.

I consider for a moment. “Well, no, I suppose not – not as bad as giving a speech, anyway….
What other rides can we go on?”

I still haven’t overcome my fear of public speaking – but I am hoping that as I face the fear and work through it, I will be better equipped to conquer my other fears.

As for death, I think that when the actual moment comes, it will be swift and silent, like tumbling down a water slide, and I’m quite sure that I’ll come out laughing, when I splash down on the other side.

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* C.T.M. is the Competent Toastmaster Award earned by a Toastmaster who completes the 10 speeches in the Communication and Leadership Manual

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COMMENTS 

This is one of my favorites! I chose this topic because I realised I was naturally using gestures when I told friends about my adventure. I enjoyed presenting it and everyone loved it!

Speech No. 3 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual
Date presented: 9 May, 1995

The objectives of this speech were:

• To organize your thoughts into a logical sequence
  that leads the audience to a clearly defined goal.
• To build a speech outline that includes an opening, body and conclusion.

Time 5 to 7 minutes.

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” I have so many wonderful qualities, it’s easy to overlook my few disgusting habits.” That’s one of Ashleigh Brilliant’s sayings. He knows that perfection is not a concept that applies to humans. We tolerate one another’s faults and annoying habits because they are only a small part of the total person.

A well-rounded person naturally has more than one side and it’s not always possible to be viewed from the best side of our profile. No matter how diligently we stay on our guard, someone will catch us at a bad moment. Like the time someone took a photo of me blowing out candles on my birthday cake. I don’t know how you look when you blow out candles, but this is how the camera caught me…… (Demonstration with puffed cheeks and eyes popping – Not a pretty sight.)

Now, I ask you, is that what I really look like? You bet it is! But only when I’m blowing out candles – for just a few seconds in a whole year. You know what that means? There are over 3 million seconds every year when I don’t look like that!

Sometimes a bad impression is the first or even the only impression we have of someone. Years ago, a bus driver made a bad impression on me. I never saw him again, but I’ll always remember how rude and impatient he was. Maybe he was a rude impatient man – or maybe he was really a nice man under a lot of stress and having a bad day.

It’s so easy to make judgements based on one incident in a person’s life without knowing why they are acting that way. Sometimes they are simply reacting to something that we are doing.

I’ll never forget the day I was judged by a baboon. I was watching the monkeys at Alma Park Zoo, laughing at their antics when suddenly this big baboon started to glare at me. Next thing, he swung down to the bottom of the cage, scooped up a handful of pebbles and started to pelt me with them. The other monkeys and baboons joined in with such ferocious screeching, it was quite frightening. Someone explained to me later that to these animals, baring the teeth is an expression of hostility. When I smiled and laughed at them, they mistook it for aggression. I still haven’t decided whether I should be concerned or relieved to find that I don’t appeal to a baboon.

One of my friends once reacted something like that baboon. She didn’t throw anything at me; she just stopped talking to me. It took a long time for me to realize she was reacting to a well-meaning remark I had made. She thought I had a low opinion of her.

I can understand how she felt. I always react badly if I think someone has a low opinion of me. I find that I act differently with different people. When I am with friends who see me as a bright outgoing person, I seem to sparkle in their company, but if someone expects me to be dull and stupid, I usually don’t disappoint them.

We are inclined to live up to the image of ourselves that we see reflected in another person’s eyes. The positive people in our lives look past our shortcomings and see us as the person we should be. This helps us to become that person.

So if we look for the best in people they will usually respond by rising to meet our expectations.

Of course we’ll always have some faults and annoying habits. It’s all part of being human. But don’t let the little things stop you from seeing the good side of people.

As Ashleigh Brilliant says, ” I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent!”

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I was being to feel more confident this time. I’m not really happy with the organisation of this speech. It begins with the way we react to other people, then shifts to the way others react to us! I probably should have kept with the one theme.

Speech No. 2 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual
Date presented: 27 Sept,1994

The objectives of this speech were:

• To convince the audience of your earnestness,
  sincerity and conviction on a subject.
• To confront any nervousness.

Time 5 to 7 minutes. 

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I watched him die.

I looked on helplessly as he struggled to breathe. They put tubes in his mouth and nose. They searched for veins in his wasted arms and gave him blood. He moaned as they drained the poison from his swollen belly. Finally they wrapped his lifeless body in a blaket and covered his wizened old man’s face.

He was 25 days old.

I sat in front of my television set and wept with his anguished mother as she cradled his limp body. I longed to comfort her. How could I reach out to a woman in far off Pakistan? How could I know the depth of her suffering?

Who killed Kasseim?

Could it have been….his mother?

But she loved him! He was her first child, after 14 years of fruitless marriage – the long awaited fulfilment of her dreams and hope for the future. Could she have killed him?

She believed she was giving him the best care when she weaned him onto an expensive milk formula.
But when it cost more than she could afford – did she over dilute it?
When clean water was scarce and expensive to buy – did she draw it from the river, contaminated with raw sewage?
Did she have enough money to buy fuel to boil the water?
And when Kasseim inevitably succombed to diarrhoea – could she give him the correct dose of medicine, when she had never learned to read?

Or did the Health Worker kill him, when she introduced the mother to the milk formula – surely she knew that a bottled fed baby in a third world country is 14 times more likely to die.
“Just in case your milk fails,” she told the grateful mother, as she handed her a sample of highly promoted, expensive infant formula. Was this a kind act? – or an insidious ploy to undermine breast feeding?

Was Kasseim killed by the manufacturers of the formula, when they ignored the International Code of Marketing? They promoted their product in clinics and hospitals, making gifts to doctors and health workers who recommended the formula, even though in a country like Pakistan, the lack of refrigeration and sanitation means that a baby will suffer from 10 to 12 bouts of diarrhoea before his first birthday – if he lives that long!

Did they killl him, or was it the doctor, who derives most of his income from the medicine he sells. When the distraught mother brought Kasseim to him, did he prescribe a potent unnecessary drug?

Did the drug company kill him? When they refused to withdraw their anti-diarrhoeal drops – drugs that had been banned in the western world when it was proved that they caused intestinal paralysis, toxic shock and death in young babies?

Who is responsible for half a million babies in Pakistan alone, who die unnecessarily each year from diarrhoea and dehydration?

“Oh, God,” I cried, as I watched Kasseim die. I don’t know if it was a prayer or accusation.Can we blame God for man’s inhumanity and greed?

Soon after this television programme was aired, one drug company did withdraw the Drops. Public pressure finally caused at least one infant formula company to heed the International Marketing code.

It was too late for Kasseim.

But I had heard about the practices of these Multinational Companies several years before. I was going to protest – but I was too busy – too apathetic.

Did I kill Kasseim?

 

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It seemed to go over well. I wasn’t quite so nervous presenting my second speech, but I still felt shaky for the rest of the evening and couldn’t get to sleep for hours after I got home that night!

Speech No.1 in the Toastmasters “Communication and Leadership” Manual
Date presented:12 June,1994

The objectives of this speech were:

• To begin speaking before an audience.
• To help you understand what areas require particular emphasis in your speaking development.
• To introduce yourself to your fellow members.

Time 4 to 6 minutes.

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My neighbour came to me one day and she said,”You know that new lady over the road? She just asked me if you were a bit…….peculiar!”      

“What??” I said. “Me….peculiar?”

“Well,” she said. “you can’t blame her. She sees all those funny bags and boxes left on your doorstep every few days – and then there’s the washing. She knows you’re a widow, but you’ve always got men’s clothes on the line – and what about Harvey? ‘Specially Harvey!”

Well, I suppose it all would seem strange to a newcomer – ‘specially Harvey. But there’s a reasonable explanation for all of it.

For the last 17 years, strange boxes and bags have been appearing on my doorstep. Sometimes just one or two. Sometimes a whole truckload. One night, I opened my front door and walked slap bang, face first into a solid wall of boxes that had been piled up against the door.

Another night I opened the door and nearly fainted in terror. All I could see was this man’s dark suit as it leapt inside. Someone had hung the suit on the door handle. I wished I’d had Harvey with me that night.

I never know what will turn up in those bags and boxes. Most of them contain clothes. The more interesting ones are full of odds and ends, crockery, ornaments, kitchen gadgets, children’s toys, books. They all have to be sorted and some things have to be washed, so there are often strange things on my clothes line. I found a bright orange jumper for Harvey in one of those boxes.

People have been bringing me their secondhand goods ever since our World Vision Club started holding Jumble Sales, which we hold twice a month.

Harvey used to help me promote the Jumble Sales. He wore his orange jumper and rode around in my car with a sign on the back window that said “Smart people shop at World Vision Jumble Sales”. I suppose that’s why my new neighbour thought I was peculiar. ‘Specially when Harvey waved to her.

My two sons found Harvey embarassing. They’re both grown up now, but when they were younger, they preferred to walk home from school than to travel in the car with Harvey.

Our cats liked Harvey. Oh, they weren’t too sure about him at first, when they saw him sitting in the lounge, but he soon won them over and they slept in his lap.

I must say he did give Mrs Robinson a fright, when she came for her music lesson. For weeks she’d look over her shoulder and say “He gives me the creeps.” But she was used to the cats running up and down the piano. I didn’t think she’d be like that about Harvey.

I miss Harvey. Maybe I shouldn’t have let him go. But frankly, he was beginning to get on my nerves. He just sat around all day, never lifting a finger and he was getting covered in cat hairs.

Then the invitation came for him. One of the other World Vision Clubs was holding a seminar and they specially wanted to meet Harvey. I grabbed this opportunity and wrote back,”Would you like to keep him there?”

My friends helped me put him on the bus. He was getting harder to handle. He was a large man, and his stuffing had gradually settled in his bottom half.

But he looked great in his orange jumper, his green trousers, white gloves and shiny shoes. Smart people do shop at World Vision Jumble Sales. Even Harvey’s bright red hair and his big button eyes had come from a jumble sale and so had all the rags I had used to stuff him.

I often think of the good times and the friends I have had. ‘Specially Harvey!

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This was my first attempt at public speaking. I knew I was supposed to make eye contact with everyone, so I kept turning my head like an oscillating fan. I was so nervous, I thought I would faint before I got to the end! For my first 5 speeches, I sat on a high stool because I felt too shaky to stand up. By the way, they loved it! (or said they did.)