Tall Tales

 The Singing Cow

I grew up on a small farm at the end of a long bumpy road. The road was so bumpy, Dad’s old Chev used to almost fall apart as he drove into town.  We had to wear crash helmets to protect our heads as we bounced up and down like pistons.

Our neighbour Jack didn’t bother with a crash helmet. As a result, his bald head resembled the crators of the moon. I think  his brain was affected, too.

Jack’s farm was a run down affair.  The cows wandered aimlessly waiting for Jack to get out of bed and milk them.

“Waste of time getting up early, he complained to my Dad. “They don’t give much milk anyway!”

“Have you tried singing to them?” Dad suggested.

He was only joking and we didn’t think Jack would take up that idea, but next morning, we heard a strange sound over at Jack’s place. At first we thought he’d been hurt and Mum was ready to rush over with bandages, but Dad said, “No, he’s singing!”

We couldn’t believe our ears! Then we heard an even stranger sound.  A funny crooning mooing, sound.  His oldest cow, Pickle-Juice was trying to join in! As Jack sang “Home on the Range.” It was simply amazing to hear Pickle-Juice joining in the chorus, “Moo, moo-moo moo-moo.”

Jack was thrilled. He and Pickle-Juice sang until the cows came home.

“Well, aren’t you going to milk them today?” my Dad reminded Jack. Jack had been so excited, he had forgotten about the milking.

That was the next big surprise. Jack came running over to our farm. Sploshing milk from a bucket.
“They gave more milk!” he shouted. “Look, three times as much!”

Every morning, Jack rose early and sang duets with Pickle Juice before milking. And the cows continued to give more milk. Then one day, Jack showed us an advertisement in the local paper. There was going to be a Talent Quest in the town. Jack thought he would enter Pickle-Juice in the contest.

On the day of the Talent Quest, he loaded Pickle-Juice into the back of his old ute and off they went over the bumpy road, with poor Pickle-Juice bouncing in the back as though she was on a trampoline.

Jack looked crestfallen when they returned later that day. Pickle-Juice looked absolutely shaken.

“They threw us out!” Jack told us indignantly. “ At least I got some free vegetables!.” He showed us a bag of tomatoes, onions and potatoes. “Pity the eggs smashed when they threw them!” He went back home and made himself a stew.

 Jack was up early the next morning. He loaded all the cows into the back of his ute. Then off he rushed along the rough road, with cows almost flying out of the ute as they bounced over the bumps.

When he returned, Dad  went over to see what was going on. “Look!” said Jack showing him a bucket of frothy milk. Super milkshakes! I can get 10 times as much for my milk!”

And so he did. After a while, the cows got to like  the bouncing and actually queued up to get into the truck each morning. Then Jack had a better idea, and bought them a trampoline –  which worked really well, until Pickle-Juice bounced too high when there was a full moon. And went right over…. but that’s another story!